The word “negotiate” creates an image in many minds of hard-bitten lawyers badgering one another across large tables in corporate boardrooms. No wonder the concept seems to have become entwined in the American lexicon with conflict. It doesn’t have to be that way. Real estate and mortgage professionals can expect to be involved in more than a few negotiations over the course of their careers. If it’s going to happen, why not make it a positive experience rather than negative?

The first thing to realize is that not a day goes by that we don’t personally enter some sort of negotiation a dozen times, maybe more. We negotiate with co-workers, spouse, kids, the girl behind the counter at Taco Bell. Hopefully, each of these situations don’t deteriorate into bruised egos and one party storming out. Here’s the secret: negotiation too often results in the creation of more conflict, rather than focusing on solving problems.

Remember that. Solving problems. As long as that is the focus, there’s no reason it should get ugly. What is the primary factor in being able to solve a problem? How about actually understanding the other side? Maybe one of the least recognized ways to successfully negotiate is to understand what the other side’s needs are. If you don’t know what they want (or need), what exactly are you doing except trying to force your will on someone else? Understanding might be a namby pamby word to those who consider themselves true “negotiators,” but forcing someone to come around to your point of view only results in resentment and retaliation. You might not pay the price today or next week or next year even, but negotiating with hardball tactics will almost certainly result in damage to your side at some point.

If you can look an adversary in the eye and let them know that you understand their perception and needs, it’s that much easier to find middle ground, acceptable to all. We mean REALLY acceptable, not the kind of agreement the other side signs but immediately begins to undermine because they felt tricked or forced.

Keep in mind that everything hinges on quid pro quo, which means that to get something, you have to give something, and it might not be a straight across money for money trade. Value can take many forms, so get creative.

The AIPIS Team

Flickr / UN Climate Change